A Friend is like a Condom
Friday, August 15th, 2008A good friend is like a condom…always there when things are hard.
Archive for the 'Dirty Text Messages' Category
Restraining Order
Thursday, August 14th, 2008Some people believe that watching the stars and following their every move can help you understand the future, all it got me was a fucking restraining order.
Great Meal
Wednesday, August 13th, 2008What does it mean when you come home to a great meal, lots of love, and great sex?… You’re in the wrong damned house.
Tourettes Syndrome
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008I grew up thinking my dad had Tourette’s syndrome. Years later I found out he just thought I was a fucking cunt.
Get in Line
Monday, August 11th, 2008A man was digging in his garden when he saw a long line of people walking behind a funeral procession with two hearses at the head of it. One man walked at the head of the proceedings with a pit bull on a leash. Curious, the gardener got up and joined the line behind the [...]
Old Man Fishing
Sunday, August 10th, 2008An old man was fishing with his grandson and the boy looked up at him and said, “Grandpa, how come you have such a small head?” the old man looked down at the unusual question and said, “Well, son, you see I was fishing one day and caught a mermaid. She said she would grant [...]
Vacation to Jamaica
Saturday, August 9th, 2008A woman went on vacation to Jamaica. She met a hot black man and made passionate love to him every night. Finally before she left she asked him his name. He replied, ‘Snow’. When she laughed he got offended. She said, “No, I wasn’t making fun of your name, but my husband is going to [...]
What Eve said to Adam?
Friday, August 8th, 2008A nun asked her students what Eve said to Adam when they met. One student looked up and said ‘Wow, that’s a hard one.” The nun smiled and said, that’s correct.
Sodomy Fairy
Thursday, August 7th, 2008It’s great being a kid.. the tooth fairy brings you money for losing a tooth, the Christmas fairy brings you a present for being good, and the sodomy fairy brings you a new Xbox for not telling mommy!
What Comes After 69?
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008A math teacher in a GED class asked his class what comes after 69? A brightly dressed woman in the rear raised her hand and said “You wash your hands and rinse your mouth, duh.”